well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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