She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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