Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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