you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
