Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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