She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
