Its about making memories worth repressing
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My ass is underappreciated
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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