Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
