Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this will be a night to untag.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
