You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
