I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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