Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
