My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
