I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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