There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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