I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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