you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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