I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
