Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
