____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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