My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
