Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
