I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She said her name was "party"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
