Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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