Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
