i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
