just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you had me at cake vodka
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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