Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
