Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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