The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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