I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
