I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
