nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
