hotel room ftw
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
