sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
