Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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