Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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