he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
