Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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