I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
