D3 body, D1 cock
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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