so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
