Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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