I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
