In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
