You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
