There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This is not my ceiling
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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