so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is it because I queefed?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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