So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
