maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
