Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
