woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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